“Suicide Girls Must Die”-NO Really!!

So When twelve nude models for the infamous SuicideGirls.com begin disappearing from a remote cabin, the calendar video they are shooting becomes the first reality horror movie. Released on 12th of  March 2010.

So after Shameless went off I was channel surfing and came across this “horror” flick called “Suicide Girls Must Die” . Thinking that this would be a cool movie that I have not had the privilege to see yet I decided to give it a go. Lets just say it is like the “Hills” gave birth to “Rock of Love” afterbirth and got flushed and ended up in Maine.

The premise? Well Sawa Suicide decides to get a bunch of girls who couldn’t make it on any other reality jaunt and send them out to the middle of nowhere and watch them what? scissor? or pose in hopes that Betty Page will roll over and shit bile in her grave. Actually they are gonna make a calendar.  On a side note Miami Ink has really had a major social influence on youths of today…so kudo’s Kat…how’s the rash?

The movie is filmed with the same concept as Mtv uses on almost every reality show that they produce so that is kinda par for the coarse with this sub-genre, a little cliché for my taste, but not a deal breaker for me. Also let me note that there is no testosterone on this set at all. No I am not knocking lesbian soft core horror- sploitation at all. I say fly those freak flags as high as you can people. Who knows maybe you will knock God out of the sky and we can finally get some just on that issue settled. Anyway back to the task at hand. The movie “Suicide Girls Must Die”.

First off I have an issue with the writers personality choice of these characters. Like they are all trailer trash uneducated disrespecting morons. WTF?

So anyway as they are trying to shoot this calendar the girls start disappearing one by one…and at first I am like fuckin’ hell they couldn’t show the slaughter scene for that. So for the most part the fear and slasher shit is gonna be implied within the dialogue. To me this sux because if I gotta watch a bunch of atomic betties get trashed and wasted both metaphorical and physically then SHOW ME THE BLOOD!

Later in the flick there are a few guys that magically appear from the woods who are townies, a few pissed off that the girls are there and messing with areas that are family heritage shit and then the ones that are there to see what all the trouble is about. Since only one doesn’t look like some twisted shit from “The Hills Have Eyes” Big whoop! The sheriff is the only actual A1 boner in the film. So really by the time they actually add the blood and gore it kinda looses cred with me because I had to deal with way too much “jersey shore/real hills” crap.

Honestly if you like shows like Miami Ink with a hint of “please god let this come somewhat close to a blair witch thing” type shows or your Jesse James then you will enjoy it for the tits, ass, and twat shots.  However if you want your body parts to actually be shown in parts then I suggest leave this be.